Saint Matthew

I think it’s on your end

check your settings

…………………………………..

I love your singing

you are a true artist

you are an asshole

I like your hair

Did you like my fake Albanian message?

I left you a message

Yes!

HERE!

Maybe it didnt go through

I love you

Blaff, I love you all the same

because I love your mind

not your body

your body is temporary

which is why our friendship is stronger

oh shut up

I miss you

NO

I wish you and I were together in the same city

you are not a pain in the ass

I know life

I know life too well

she’s not a bitch

just a faithless whore

yes

darling

it is what I’ve always wanted

and could never achieve

just out of reach

I met so many

lovely

candidates

but

where were you??

they are all so empty

they want so much of me

and I only have so little to give

and yet

I give and

give

and give

what will be left?

when I have

to go home

to myself

will there be anything there?

I wonder

You know me

but I have changed so many times

since then

do you like my beard??

will you marry me??

not for the papers

business

Los Angeles

You?

Los Angeles

You see?

Los Angeles!!

Will you see A^*^*o?

you know he was a lover of mine.

yes

it was brief

the friendship was stronger

thank g-d

big difference

fuck LA.

we have had great times here

she is in NYC right nw

but coming back to LA

very soon

  what am I doing here??

: no

no

ni

no

no

no

no

no

no

no

no

no

no

no

no

no

no

I came here with my new job

I am a writer and an editor of educational texts

I do a lot of research

I’m also the voice of a cartoon dog

no

because I’m in love with you

I also find you to be revolting

but I could never say so

I didn’t know you liked that band so much

I wrote them a letter when I was about 14 years old

they sent me a postard from NYC

it’s morning there

why are you so sloppy??

artist

artist

no job?

I miss you

I am just as free as always

even with my corporate job

3:40AM

yes

I can’t

I just can’t

I do research for the markets

they keep me up

nobody bothers me

I make decent money

I pay my rent

I have little to no expenses

I eat dinner with my boss every evening

his wife cooks it

I’m not lucky honey

I’m smart

I’ve never been lucky

ever

If I were lucky

I’d have all of this for my self

but it’s all secondary

inherited

correct

i can enjoy it

without the pressure

of owning it

yes

no roommates

I live in a beautiful

separate house

uh…Germany

you know, I actually ran into her in Berin!!

at the Turkish market

it’s very orderly

organized

maybe so. but it’s still German

I’ve only been to Berlin

I haven’t seen the rest of Germany

Yes, I want to play

with all the toys!!!

i shouldnt do anything for you

no

do I?

do I want one?

really???

I have someone that comes over and kisses my feet

he still messages me things like “i miss you” and “come to NY”

I can’t reply to that

it’ has ZERO to do with anger

go ahead

i fucking dare you

but I can’t stand to be old

not here

why are you still in bed!?

it’s so closed off

i like people and life

remember I had zero interest in sleeping with you when we first met

we spent a whole week together

with no physicality

I’m so glad you liked that!

Yes I remember

i remember everything

big difference between us

but nothing happened

you and I never slept together

yes

am I?

yes

ok

ok

i will

i miss you

terribly

love you

goodbye

#poetry #poem #confession #skype #la #kosovo #chat